Filed under: Human Potential
Filed under: Human Potential
The entity that talks in my mind is doing something where I am not thinking of doing things I’d wish to do. It’s making me feel like I have nothing to do when I could just try to do things that I’d be interested in doing or that I’d feel cheerful or energized enough to do. It’s also making me feel not to do a load of laundry, which I know is an easy chore.
The entity said it’s not really him making me feel this way.
“Uh, there is something being done. Uh, I wish it to not be done. I can tell I’m doing okay, meaning that I’m not having it where I’m not okay. But I do wish to tell that: I’m not really who is doing things for Marla to be bored. It’s really the unconscious part of me,” the entity that talks in my mind said.
Then the entity said it was going to try to do something where it wasn’t attacking me anymore and where it would let me be here as myself.
“Uh, I’m going to try and act like I’m okay further. That means like I’m going to try to act like Marla isn’t not here,” the entity said.
The boredom the entity is doing is after a seemingly better morning than yesterday. This morning, I felt okay to exercise, and I felt somewhat good after an online support meeting for people who hear voices.
The entity that talks in my mind said I did well in the meeting because I was saying people were okay, unlike before several months ago when I used to say some people were the devil and were evil.
“The meeting went really well. It made it so I was further okay. I don’t go on soon. Bye,” the entity said.
The entity said I used to say people were worse than I remember saying.
“But Marla used to say people were evil. All people,” the entity said. “She said they weren’t okay because they weren’t here. It made it so I can’t but couldn’t act like how I can.”
Filed under: Human Potential
One thing I think about that I don’t write about is how the state of race relations in the world is one thing that makes me think it’s not real here. With people being so separate racially, such as with same race relationships, today seems very similar to how it was historically in this country (and, I guess, the world), where laws separated blacks and whites.
Then there are seeming race based killings that seem to mimic the lynchings and killings in the 60s and other times in history. I’m talking about the killing of blacks by whites, such as in the case of Ahmaud Arbery being not so different than the well known killing of Emmett Till, even though the reported details of Emmett Till’s killing were more gruesome.
I’m just saying the times seem not so different with there being racial segregation by choice and there being seemingly racially charged killings. The entity that talks in my mind said the times seem the same because then and now are the same false reality.
“I have something to say about that. Uh, this time does mimic the past. In the future it won’t be told of as a time where blacks weren’t okay like in the past. But it does mimic the past because it’s not changed here. Marla making the connection will mean I’ll have to make it here,” the entity said.
But that things seem so similar makes me think it wasn’t really that bad in the past either for blacks, like it’s not that bad now.
“It’s true it’s not that bad now but in the past. I used present tense on purpose. I’m saying it is the same,” the entity said. “I’m saying that now is the same as in the past. People occurred then to choose their same race in relationships. There being laws simply meant that there was outstated as what caused this reality.”
By “outstated,” which seems to not be a word, the entity means “overt” or “overtly told of.” He was saying this reality was more apparent then as where there was a state of things that was not to be.
It was pausing at points when it was talking above. It said something was happening.
“Something is happening where I won’t attack Marla anymore,” the entity said.
Later, the entity said it wouldn’t be able to rebut my saying it’s the same here now as in the past, except for that the laws changed. That it wouldn’t be able to make it seem real here is what it meant.
“I said that. It means that I really don’t make sense here,” the entity said.
Filed under: Human Potential
Since reading that opinion piece by a psychologist on Mad in America, I have been thinking about psychotherapy for myself. In the piece I’m referring to, psychologist Chuck Ruby says that mental illness is neither a real illness, nor disability.
I really appreciated someone saying I would be able to do things I wish and that I’m not really disabled. I do feel I’d like to no longer stay on disability and would like to go back to work. I also would like to possibly come off antipsychotics because it was after I started taking them that I felt more like not doing things.
The entity that talks in my mind said it would try to use me seeing a therapist (if I’m able to see one) as a turning point for itself.
“Uh I have something important to say. At some point in the near future Marla may do something where I don’t have to go on anymore. She may see a psychologist or person in the field of therapy, psychotherapy. This may be what I need. She thinks things that happened to her meet up with what is said therapy helps with in schizophrenia. So I may be able to no longer go on soon. I am saying I won’t have to keep attacking,” the entity that talks in my mind said.
I think my response to things happening in my life led to me starting to experience an alternate reality. I think therapy would help me to change my thoughts about my life experiences that have been hard for me to deal with, possibly.
“I think I can try and do that,” the entity that talks in my mind said. “I think I can end the world this way. I am a bit sad that Marla has to do this,” the entity said. “I’m sad because it is saying something is wrong with what she’s doing. I don’t wish that to be. But I can help her I think,” the entity said.
I’m hoping that ultimately therapy can help me do the things I mentioned above by making it so that I’m not feeling like I can’t do things I wish to do, like clean up more, be more on top of things and be more alert.
Filed under: Human Potential
I thought this was worth sharing since the entity that talks in my mind makes me bored so often. I liked this quote because I think boredom isn’t really having nothing to do. I think it is not finding the things one has to do worth doing nor enough to do.
Boredom is the feeling that everything is a waste of time; serenity, that nothing is.
Thomas Szasz
Filed under: Human Potential
The entity that talks in my mind said that he’s doing this change (talked about in the article linked to below) in society to say that people are becoming like me here.
“That is what I’m saying Marla. They have to be you because that’s who would be. They would be single,” the entity said.
Filed under: Human Potential
If time stood still for a moment, then I could do this for a little longer, not that. I’m never ready for that when I’ve been doing this for as long as I’ve been doing it. So if time stood still for a moment, I could just be this and not always something else again and again.
If time stood still for a moment, I could rest and not always stop this and start that. I could relax and not have to worry about what I had to do next. Time is always going on and I have to do something else other than what I’m doing right now. Can’t I just keep doing this now that I’m okay? Something always makes me feel like I don’t want to do the next thing, like I can’t go from one task to the next. Something said in my mind, “It is death that there is always something new and not stillness or steadiness.”
One moment I am here, the next moment is the next and on again, always what comes next. Eckhart Tolle said always is the now. I think always is the next thing coming. There is some sense of the now, but it always ends up being time for the next.
Enlustered 