butternut squash soup
February 28, 2014, 2:31 pm
Filed under: Mental Illness, Society | Tags: , , , , , ,

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Maybe it ruins the atmosphere here to post something like this, but I made this soup pictured (Adzuki Bean Butternut Squash Soup With Cilantro Drizzle) over the course of two days: chopping onions and garlic one day and the squash and cilantro the next day. I’m posting it because I’d like to save my adaptations to the recipe, which I think are smart and effective in making a yummy soup without one of the called-for ingredients. I avoid tomatoes, and the recipe calls for five canned tomatoes.

And maybe I’d like to just do whatever I want here. I dislike rules and narrow paths.

Cooking has become an absolute chore since coming home from the hospital seventeen days ago after what looked like a “psychotic episode.” But cooking seems necessary to lower the grocery bill–and I’m especially encouraged to eat healthy since I’ve been sick with a cold for the second time recently when I’m used to never getting sick when I regularly cook.

Even though I enjoy cooking less lately, I still enjoy eating something I have made because, unlike frozen meals and eating out, my meals are made with love and care. I see it as simply a more fitting, trustworthy meal. I prefer using some organic and locally grown ingredients, but I’m not sure I will be able to sustain this effort as it seems I will have to pay some hospital bills.

I am looking to God on the bill thing because I really don’t want to pay.

Really I just want to be free of consequences for my actions, which were walking outside naked and shoeless and standing in front of cars on the highway. For some reason, I don’t see the frost bite on my toes as a consequence, but a reward. I thought I was going to get hit by a car and die, and at one point raped, but all I got was frostbite. I haven’t gotten around to seeing the medical bills the same way. An impersonal world’s forced solution to my condition and I have to pay for it–that’s how I see it. The only reason people do messed up things is because they believe in the world and its unquestioned ways instead of themselves. I think I was being separatist (like the culture I live in) when I did what I did. Still making sense of things.

Anyway, here’s a bit about the recipe I’d like to take note of:

See 101 cookbooks for the recipe. I followed all the directions, but added three and a half extra cups of butternut squash, which was the amount the squash I had yielded, to make up for the five canned tomatoes. I also added lemon juice to the soup and to the cilantro drizzle, to which I also added a little ume plum vinegar instead of more salt and additional olive oil because too much oil upsets my stomach. I also subbed a heaping teaspoon of powdered chipotle pepper and more to taste for the dried chipotle peppers called for. One cup of dried aduki beans plus a little more yielded about four cups cooked beans. I started with half the salt called for and added more later, along with a portion of a bouillon cube for more flavor.

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