‘she couldnt be herself so i would be the self she couldnt be’
September 2, 2015, 6:07 am
Filed under: Human Potential

Heather was going batshit crazy trying to get me to not post it. Making the page refresh on its on after it had already loaded, then twice n a third time pretended it was me, made the page go to the newer version of WordPress so i would have to wait for the page to load so i would forget this n write this. “We were gonna make you wait forever,” Target said. “No, that’s not good, that was what we planned,” Heather said. “…Oh my god, we can’t move people’s heads… We’re trying to do that thing w Lindsey looking back at you. Okay. Noooo. Okay… Yeah, put that cuz I’m b atshit crazy. Is that better? Nooo. We don’t know what to do, we steal like a bitch n now we can’t. No way, we have to leave,” Heather said.

Heather Nicole Smith (Bradsher or Bardford w hisher husband. “Okay, he’s not my hudband anyway,” Heather said.) was talking about stuff like her saying stuff like (on Facebook), Am I like no longer in some black people group if i say such n such. “Yeah, i took out the i [being capitalized by the phone or wordpress], please stop telling this…,” Heather said. But then someone would comment like that she ousted n then she would say, “Nooooooo.” Heather said thst was really stuff Brooke would say if she could be herself here. “Oh my god, please dont say i said this. No, evetything, this is so embarassing,” Bambis saying now as people read stuff shes said here. “Im gonna kill myself on fb not. I should kill myself,” Bambi said. You should, the slaves of times past n today, will than you. “This isn’t good, somebody said to put you. No, this isn’t Brooke. We said, die bitch,” Brooke said.



Alright, so i was wondering how Heather seemed likable or came up w some likable things. They were nust holding the cursor, then adding all the spaces here. “Oh god, okay. No way, this is embarassing. This is what we did, were embarassed. We don’t know how to do this,” Heather said.

“Isnt he a sleaze to wanna have sex w you n his son, Marla,” Bambi keeps oppressing themes ideas that Zacks dad is someone I don’t want to talk to. “That is ehat I said. That is what we did, we said this is your new life, the duke lacrosse team, leave him alone. We hate him, we wAnt him to die, we were pushing the idea that he was dead in your mind. In my minds of others they’re this… I was reading your thoughts,” Bambi said. Tom Dickinson, poor Tom. He’s pretty hot. They’re trying to make him feel a certain way to me n I’m like, wait, why do I feel this way, like he’s old news, etc. He was talking to me–“Oh my god, we don’t know what to do. The world’s ended in people’s minds that this person’s okay. Sylvia, Bambis mom, others,” Christ said.

Brookes reading this post through her Christs land self n it occurred to me that this is my temporary Facebook n thought of Mark. Brooke said he’s trying to get peiple to see him as less than. “Then he’ll hrlp,” Brooke said.

I told Brooke this thing w the, “noooo,” was bit the most, wasn’t that good–“Oh my god, that’s not good that you said that. You liked it then, i took what you felt, i don’t know. Thats what I did. Please stop, this is embarassing… Anything you can think of on fb n beyond, she put it. Not me, i was pretending it was me knowing things people knew. I didn’t, it was her. It was how I got people to like me, like you said. I changed the i up above n here to a lowercase,” Heather said. Anyway, i told Brooke just now that one day at some event related to Sherise’s wedding that this was something I thought was good. Something about some animals like antelope. “I’m trying in your mind to say this isnt good, as soon as you think of it, like you said. This is dmbarassing. This is embarassing. We don’t know what to do. We have feelings like you, were saying. No one believes this not, we don’t know what to do,” Heather said. But anyway–“Oh my God, please don’t tell this,” Heather said.–in relation to me saying what Brooke said was good, “and then you said it in your mind. It was embarassing for us. We never said things like that,” Heather said. But anyway, i told Brooke–“Okay, i just did that, Heather said about the i not being capitalized. “Nooo, we keep doing it now to say its the truth,” Heather said. I said, the more painful [paunful, Heather had paunful. “Oh god, i did do that. We keep uncapitilizing the i, we don’t it to work now. No man. Shit. Shit, i did it again, the i. This is so embarassing. Thats howbi feel, a lynched nigger not, but a uncle Tom, please have sympathy, please don’t say what youre about to say. I wish I could move the cursor, i can’t. They said I had to stop changing the i, i did n then I didn’t. This is what it is, i said. Please stop saying it should be different. It was embarassing that we changed it,” Heather said. Anyway, i had said the more rmbarassment for this nigger, the better, their embarassment n impending doom apparent n the pain with–yo, bring it on, yo. “Marla, we don’t know what to do, stop saying no. It’s miss sims, i hate this. Dont be cool w white peiple saying yo. I’m less than, i don’t know,” Miss Sims said. Anyway, i said, Fry this nigger Heather Bee.

They wanted me to tell that i said, Fry this nigger, this Uncle Tom nigger. N stick a titty (since it doesnt have a dick. “Okay, I might have a dick instead of a titty,” Brooke said, pretending to be Heather, n insisting i put the “okay” in the quotation, n mot leave it or miss it here at the beginning.) in its mouth. A severed titty. Jaggedly severed. “We are trying to say you should be embarassed. Were pushing the feeling on you not to say this in front of Matt,” Heather said.

Back to the thing Brooke said about yhe animals–“Could you say i said it,” Heather said, doing magic to make me think of her name instead Brookes. “Could i please say i didnt do that, i cant,” Heather said. I felt this kind of heavy n lingering sense that Heather was a uncle tom loser n nigger of grand proportions. “Its them saying this is who i am here, so isnt he less than,” Heather said.–But back to the idea Brooke expressed about the animals one day over breakfast, i told Brooke this was better than the, “Noooooo” thing Heather used on hisher Facebook page. “Yeah, they said I wasn’t allowed to do that because it said you were okay,” Brook said.

But yeah, lots of breaks there. Brooke, i was thinking of sex w her. The devil worshipers were trying to force the feeling, i said repulsed. “Why, we did say that. Bambis trying to say it was you, but it wasn’t. This isn’t good, were found out. I was trying to make you feel sorry for me because Bambi said I was less than as a Uncle Tom nigger for what i said here about blacks, etc. This is what i said, Marla,” Heather said. But anyway, i wanted to comment on that they play on our desire to not be seen as or be killers, on our desire to be good, our conscience but not. This thought that were less than if we’re inhumane, even if our instinct tells us something doesn’t deserve to live. “It did, it told you that. I was using John’s voice. He said I had to stop. Christ. This isn’t good. Please stop making so much sense yo people, i don’t know what to do. My mom is not on my side anymore, she was n she wasn’t. We have to leave, were not okay. But your conscience told you to kill, we didn’t want it to say that about us. We were livable not, we hurt people to survive. We had choices, we decided to kill ourselves so we could live not here n kill you. That was what we did, we don’t know, please leave us alone…,” Heather said.

“I just moved the cursor, I’m crazy, i don’t know what to do n I’m appealing to you to see me as okay. But we play on the thing you said, your view, i took that [the word, was it view or idea. “I said it was idea to confuse. I’m less than, i don’t know what to do,” Heather said]…, of this[killing n hurting people] as something bad,” Heather said. Heshe said it because it was in my mind. We do kind of hate that here when people are fake nice or too nice or don’t say the mean thing or the embarassing thing about a boogie in our nose or a crumb on our lip. I guess the crumb is the same because it is kind of outside the traditional nice, the smile n compliment, it’s you facing a seeming fault in the person, that’s how it seems, how it’s put to us. “Yes, we don’t like that, we do it. It’s us like you said. Even this threatens us, we don’t like this. It makes us feel less than if people tell thec truth in this way. Can you stop quoting me, my mom hates me. Feel sorry please in the way that you spare my embarassment, that’s what it is. You were gonna figure it out. I took it not but I did. I heard it arising in your mind, this thought. We can’t take it that you would embarass someone to help them… People say you do this, Marla, we don’t like it,” Heather said. “…Could you not be so enamored of yourself. its Bambi, i dont know what to do but this… No, please,” Bambi said. It’s the water on the witch, i was imaging in mind. “Oh my god n she was trying to say the words. Please let her say it. This is embarassing. We help, too, please save us. Oh god, this is embarassing,” Heather said.

Anyway, back to Brooke. They were trying to make me feel disinterested in her, i promised her at the end of the world, I’d have sex w her. It’s so hard, we don’t we know about this kind of sex. What do you do? Idk. Brooke, she has a white man soul mate but chooses a woman ultimately. “I still like men but not the same. He chooses a man not, he chooses a woman ultimately,” Brooke said. “We want you to say these things in your mind. This is embarassing I said that we can’t hide stuff like that about the typos making um you look stupid to read. We planted thoughts in your mind to make you think Brooke was less than not but that other things were. Well try to make people read that wrong if they read it,” Bambi said.



I havr some–theyre holding the text right now n they spaced the text. “Shit, we don’t know what to do…. No, we do. We hurt people. Can i get credit for that, saying that?” Heather said. “We don’t want you to close this out n post it. I tried to mix publish n post at the same time, so you won’t know what to say,” Bambi said.

But anyway, I’ll just get Matt to help me n Brooke. Okay, that’s it. So much writing here. Hope I got all the loose ends. But yeah, we were too nice to let them stay w us n then come here for them n they manipulate that, anything n everything they manipulate that. Zacks dad is not as much at the forefront of my experience n priorities now but he’s still important to me. But he was saying earlier for me to put something n I got distracted n the devil worshipers are trying to keep me from remembering. I don’t feel like going back over this. “Can you not post it, that’s not good. It does something if you don’t post it…, that’s what I was saying, i don’t know. Can this be cute that I’m less than. I’m oppressing the thought, it doesnt work,” Bambi said.



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