Enlustered


How I Feel About Handsome’s Words
September 8, 2014, 3:27 pm
Filed under: Human Potential

This is something else I just posted to Facebook, responding to the thing I just posted here previously (which I also posted to Facebook):

When I read over that passage I got below of Handsome, I feel that is what I was always looking for, this romantic, classy thing that just embodies the emotion I feel right now of something so peaceful, breezy, calming that would be relaxing and not hurtful or abrupt at all, hard to explain. I can imagine it as a setting someplace with lots of trees and it’s breezy and it’s summer and it’s evening time and it’s me and Handsome wearing something white and me wearing something summery. I feel like it’s what I always wanted, something I felt I could only get from him–that’s how I feel now. It couldn’t be from anyone else. It couldn’t be with a man who only wanted me because the world said I was the kind of woman he wanted because I was the kind of woman he and every other black man should be with: a black woman. It wasn’t something that made no sense or something that was just something to do before moving onto the next phase of life. It was for something more, for something the heart longed for to be Somebody to someone else, to be loved, to matter. Not just be a thing to do to follow the script or the path pre-planned for everyone to walk along, staying in their own race to not cause any uproar or too much attention, something that would keep things going smoothly and easily without too much work. That was how I thought work as a reporter would be, something that fit in, but it wasn’t. Then I thought any ol job could be that. It was all unbearable. Smooth sailing takes stepping outside the lines, going your own way, not the way the world tells you to.

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