Enlustered


How I Does Dat

A voice keeps saying to say how I know all this stuff I’ve written about today in the last couple of posts. I guess to say that is to assume I’m saying stuff that isn’t crazy and that is true. Yeah, I believe it is true and perfectly sane.

Why? Because I live in this world everyday and it’s fucked up. I was just thinking that some big television news program might give me an interview (cuz the stuff I said is really good and end-of-the-world caliber, but do I really think that considering that everyone in that kind of establishment here is kinda shady or has sold out in some way?).

In response to the interview request, I would say, Hell no because you fucking hate “mentally ill” people. I can’t probably even count the number of times that you fucking lynched niggas on your fucking show and went back to the next story like you didn’t have any broken nails or didn’t even break a sweat, you cold, heartless bitches, I hate your guts.

I saw that story about the guy stalking Selena Gomez and saying he would kill her and stuff. I could easily just say he was a decoy because he just seemed blatantly psycho, but something else just stood out to me.

It’s like you hear all these voices and you’re HEAVILY influenced by this world that says you’ll be so much better off it they would just stop, so you just want them to stop, but then sometimes they make sense here and there, but you don’t really know yet to put it all together, so you kind of haphazardly put stuff together and any human being would probably know that when someone has a certain tone to his voice he probably doesn’t really mean what he’s saying, and that’s how I felt with the man.

He was saying crazy stuff, like he thought of killing her or something or that they were gonna have a date or something, I can’t remember all of it, but it was some stuff that sounded unlikely and then violent or murderous and I just felt for a minute like, I know what he’s doing.

He’s trying to piece together all these things under the pressure of the world that tells you you ain’t shit and then you kinda know you should be worth something more than just shit, so you hear these voices and it’s like, finally something makes sense in this fucked up, hateful, cold, you-are-pointless-bitch world, that’s what the world tells you everyday that you’re pointless.

So anyway, you hear the voices, you have a crush on someone, maybe a celeb (so what, just another person if you are not from this world that says that some people are gods because they make a lot of money, dumb motherfuckers), so anyway it’s this escape to another world where, wow, you are worth something, not an irrelevant piece of shit whose desires mean nothing. But you are someone whose desires can actually be fulfilled.

A bird wants a worm, he gets it. A bird wants to fly, he flies. A bird wants to feed its babies, it does. A human wants a pretty woman but he doesn’t make much money and his job tells him he ain’t shit and, well, he “gets no love from” the singer TBoz.

He’s “hangin out the passenger side of his best friend’s ride, trying to holler at” her. Just kidding, but you get the point. The quoted lines are from the song, “Scrub” by TLC, by the way. But yeah, so I was watching one of those shows and this perfect, pretty white woman news anchor was just horrified by this monster man saying he was gonna date and be together with Selena Gomez, his soul mate. Selena, of course, was this victim also of this monster man.

Yeah, I hate white people. So, anyway… This is how it goes for the crazy folk, something happens after lots of embarrassing moments (in my case anyway) where you start to believe in yourself and shit just starts to fall into place. In my case, I had a long time where I was just able to piece together stuff when I got disability (hell yeah) and also when I first quit my job before I got disability. I just asked myself questions and answered the questions and then stuff just started falling into place. I got more confident, that I was not so dumb, stuff started to make sense.

Much later when I finally, finally SLOWLY came off the medicine and eventually stopped, my intuition was so much stronger. So much stronger. I remember one day I just felt this rough feeling about my mom in Costco and I didn’t know why.

I kinda figured though that maybe it had to do with not taking the meds anymore. Later I found out she was someone who was against me, trying to convince me of stuff that wasn’t true when I was in the hospital and saying I deserved whatever I got in the hospital since I did something “stupid,” she said.

I was able to write more when I stopped taking the medicine, I lost interest in cooking and really did not want to do the dishes so much anymore, just stuff I didn’t like doing I lost tolerance for doing, but I still wrote. I used to take Seroquel 600 mg, which I slowly decreased to nothing, AGAINST (strongly against) the psychiatrist I was seeing, who was a complete Middle Eastern ass hole–and a zombie, too.

Wow, what a pain in the ass, so glad I don’t have to see that bitch again. By the way, why are all psychiatrists Middle Eastern? What the fuck, yo, what kinda script are they following? I think it’s the one called, “We’re all smarter than niggers, lets show them how smart we are by getting these smart-people jobs where we tell them all about themselves, their heath problems and intimidate those dumb bitches into listening to us because we’re better.” Fuck you, you fucking lame, pointless-job-having bitches. Lick my itchy ass hole.

Anyway, so after you stop taking the medicine and basically have a stable place to live, internet access, food to eat and time to do what you enjoy, you are set for saving the world, which is basically what I did. The voices tell me stuff all the time. I think, for example, I did hear a voice telling me “second sight” about my soul mate after I saw his picture on his farm’s Facebook page of him holding up some cherry tomatoes to his eyes.

His farm is Crumptown Farm, which he has with his so-called (white) wife, btw.

Aside from the voices, I would just look up stuff the voice would say on Wikipedia or just look up words, like I looked up “okra,” which I also saw on Soul Mate’s farm page. On wikipedia, I saw the Hindu word for okra was “bhindi” and remembered the voice talking about the psychiatrist in the mental institution I was last in seeing me with her “bindi.” It would say, “Bindi saw you were telling the truth when you said” such and such, like when you said you couldn’t take the medicine or something. And it would just say that about some other thing, over and over: “Bindi saw you were telling the truth about” (and then it would say something different).

And I was thinking, really? She believed me or she was listening? And really apparently she wasn’t because nothing ever changed and they never stopped forcing me to take the medicine, even though I said it was against my religion and that I thought some of the voices I heard were God, etc. The woman psychiatrist with the bindi said in response, “What religion is that? What denomination?” And I said, I don’t have an organized religion, just my personal experience, life.

It’s like this WHACK, PIECE-A-SHIT, RACIST country wants to tell you how and when you are free to practice your religion or your right to freedom of speech now that the law says so, they have to give specifications and limitations for everything. So full of shit. Anyway, the only way they stopped forcing the painful injection and restraint was that I just took the medicine by mouth because I wanted to leave and not stay there forever, which is what they threaten if you don’t listen, or they threaten to put you in a state facility long term. Very oppressive. This is NOT the land of the free, in case you didn’t know, just in case.

Whatever, this country don’t know shit, ain’t worth shit, don’t deserve shit but to be a done deal, so ready to see it go to pieces. It was the most fucked up thing that coulda ever been with people full a shit saying it was worth something or that any dumb motherfucker was fighting for anything to be better here by wasting their life in the army. So full a shit.

Whatever, so putting things together was easy once I had time, a mind free of medicine and believed in myself despite the world thinking I was crazy. I mean EVERYBODY, except my nieces and nephews, thought I was crazy and kept telling me to take my medicine. Wow, I was so happy to find them. (I never told soul mate about my mental illness stuff or maybe he would’ve understood or not thought I was crazy.) Anyway, I found my nieces and nephews when I started to feel hopeless like nobody here could stand by me, so that was great.

So, I’ll be glad when all this is over. I’m still figuring out what the voice means when it keeps saying “Twin Peaks” and talks about “heading for the hills,” and there are still photos on Soul Mate’s farm Facebook Page I could analyze. Something the voice said about Batman is making me question the significance or symbolism or meaning of that. The voice said, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane,” and then earlier I saw on Soul Mate’s farm Facebook page there was a photo with a Batman toy in it.

The cleft palate thing I posted, I thought maybe Soul Mate’s son had cleft palate because there were a few (maybe four) photos of the son with his face not in the photo and that really started to spook me out like that there was some devil worshiping element to that, but I think it was just to scare away any woman who had an interest in Brad.

The photos of the kid were just supposed to show me (the woman interested in this white woman’s “husband”) that he had obligations, like a young child and a family to feed. This is how the devil enslaves us. Just remember what a smart person would say. Jesus said, Hate your family unit. He said it for a reason.

Devil whirl has found the perfect family for you, the one to enslave you and keep you from the soul mate God made for you so as to continue devil whirl as long as possible and to make you feel like a piece of shit not worthy of anything, to keep you from ruling your own life, from following your own heart instead of the crowd. And it definitely doesn’t want you to believe in yourself.

Next time, pay attention to yourself. Why did you look twice at that man on the street with the green hat and green boots? Did he look like a toy or did you think he was ugly? Just be honest with yourself, what exactly did you think? If you thought about it or it STRUCK you, really, it probably meant something. That’s how schizophrenics think. They know the truth, but devil whirl has told you they are crazy and has put A LOT of work into trying to make them think they are crazy, too. Don’t listen. It really is a C-O-N-spiracy. Really.

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