Enlustered


Lying In Plain Sight: Beyonce (And Some Thoughts On Soul Mate)

I’m going to analyze a contradictory line from Beyonce Knowles’ song, “Partition”: “Take all of me / I just wanna be the girl you like, girl you like.” But first, a rant…

I decided to take a look at some Beyonce songs today since I trashed her in a previous post, saying I thought her songs were shallow and only celebratory of “appropriate” sex between a husband and wife, and were more focused on the person as a role or a character, an image. Worshipping a construed or false image of someone is idolatry.

Idolatry, in direct opposition to appreciating human beings as creations of God, is a central part of devil worship that is central to “life” in devil whirl where people learn to hide their whole selves to be worshipped as images that are reflections of the devil’s rejection of man. The devil hates mankind, beloved creations of God.

Of course, I’m not just looking at details, I just felt disbelieving of Beyonce when she first started flaunting her perfect-seeming marriage in song after song after song. I’m not just attacking the lyrics based on how they look. The lyrics I’m referring to here today just caught my attention as inharmonious when I heard them, before I really knew why. No one sings about wanting to be the “girl someone likes.”

If they did, it would go like this: “I will be whoever you want. Just tell me and I’ll transform into her now. Who I am is worth nothing if it’s not what you want, Baby. Oh Baby. Reject me and I will reject me, too. I’ll do whatever you want me to. Please.”

I want to be myself and hopefully others will appreciate it, including Soul Mate. Anything else, at this point, now that I’ve seen the spectrum of ugly “relationships,” is only going to make me sick. I don’t think I was ever someone I was not, but I have been in relationships where the other person has more interest in the relationship than me. It’s the same thing as being someone you are not, i.e. being “the kinda girl [someone else] likes” and not yourself.

Of all the lame relationships I’ve had, I’ve never been a person I was not in them. I’ve always been the person I was most in the shoes of at the moment, whether that be insecure, afraid to say everything I wanted to say, feeling I had to be with someone I didn’t want because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings and break up. Sounds pathetic, but I was there… kind of. Obviously, if my whole self was there, I would’ve broken up with those people or I would’ve chosen not to be with them at all, but staying was still a part of me, a weak part, an insecure part.

Saying that insecure self (kinda like the insecure person Beyonce very much seems to be when she interviews, etc.) was my “whole self” or my “gangsta” self (like Beyonce calls herself) would be a denial of the truth, it would be a lie. It would be distancing me from really ever being myself or really ever being happy. I’m not gonna call myself “flawless,” either, at least not based on my physical good looks, but maybe based on who I am inside. I’m not trying to be flawless, I’m just trying to be myself and enjoy myself with my appearance, clothes, etc. — and be pretty, too, I guess, since feeling pretty feels good, something Keri Hilson seems to sing more about in “Pretty Girl Rock,” which is NO WHERE NEAR AS CONTRADICTORY as Beyonce’s song “Flawless,” another (contradictory!!!, i.e. white two-headed snake) story.

Someone like Nicki Minaj is a much better example of someone who doesn’t put so much effort into painting herself as sexual or a freak or gangsta. The content of her songs are actually good, have substance, personality. She artfully insults people, like Lil Kim (saying “these bitches washed up and ain’t no fuckin soap involved”), brags about her looks and her talent (“been running this game for five years, I guess that’s why my feet hurt”). You can feel it. There is an actual person there, a confident person, a strong person, very bold (wearing yellow hair in a video once, thongs and sneakers on her album cover), very beautiful.

My ugly experience with relationships is the reason why I’ve been single (and celibate) for ten years. I’m 35. My last relationship ended when I was 25. Instead of letting the relationships overtake me and be in them as an absentee object of someone else’s desire, as Beyonce celebrates in expressing her desire to “be the kind of girl you like,” I sat it out of relationships that were completely devoid of my desire or attraction or sexual interest.

In other words I wanted to live and love in a relationship and in sex, not sacrifice or kill my human self and presence to rise again as an idol to be worshiped, like Beyonce wants, since she is a devil worshiper.

I am so through with undesirable men, undesirable interaction and avoiding having sex with an unattractive “partner” in a “relationship” when I don’t want to have sex. Eww. So gross–to a human being, but perhaps desirable for someone who hates human beings and believes in suffering akin to self-mutilation and devil worship.

Anyway, let’s get to the line quoted (above). I read through the lyrics of the whole song, then again over the most memorable lines I quoted, and thought: “Ew, what is she saying in a song where she flaunts this seemingly dirty sexual experience that includes oral sex, cum stains on her dress, and suddenly she’s not even present, she is just trying to play the role of someone somebody else likes. Ugh.” This is NOT how one feels listening to Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda.”

It’s light, it’s fun, it’s not celebrating being a sacrificial lamb for a husband, rather than an active, desiring participant in sex with someone you actually want to have sex with. Damn, I feel sorry for Jay Z. Hun, babe, go get someone who actually wants to have sex WITH you, not FOR you like a trained service dog who really just wants to take a nap, but needs to werk to get that doggy treat to survive, like an image needs to get favorable attention to survive and coach other lemmings to follow it (not her) into HELL.

Afterall, being more than an image, humans have to actually live through the undesirable sex they sacrifice their human selves during in order to gain the image others worship and follow and emulate, like they emulate Jesus Christ Our Lord And Savior.

In person (and even in the sound of her voice in this actual song) Beyonce’s presence does NOT match her uncomfortably-spoken words that she copy cats off of REAL hip hop artists. She is so hollow-seeming and fake-seeming, smiling and giggling and uncomfortable-seeming all the time and then there’s this baseless, fake presentation of herself in her music as gangsta or sexual.

Real sexual people aren’t trying to be the “girl you like,” they embody and accept their nasty self, rather than talk about and flaunt a non-existent or REJECTED (by the devil) nasty self. They live out their own sexual desire that comes from within. They need no OUTSIDE EXPECTATION THEY STEP INTO LIKE A CLOWN COSTUME. Clown costumes are for devil worshipers with no real human emotion or presence. They have only the things that get painted on, whether it be fake smiles or fake sexuality.

As I read over this post earlier, a voice said “immaculate conception,” maybe symbolic for sex where no one is really present. Like sex for the sole purpose of being able to say your marriage is NOT sexless, or sex for the purpose of keeping someone in a unhappy marriage, sex as a self-sacrificial act in exchange for “everlasting life,” i.e. an immortal favorable image.

This song, this line, is representative of the behavior of wives in fake marriages everywhere. Self-sacrificial sex is usually hidden, just referred to indirectly maybe by someone in a heterosexual marriage who is hiding that she is gay (like the woman I once liked would do, ew).

Sometimes the self-sacrificial sex is only evidenced by children women want and for whom they sacrifice their bodies in sex that really disgusts them. But this song (and “Flawless”) seems deliberately contradictory, as if Beyonce or the person writing it has no choice but to lie blatantly. It says, “Take all of me,” but then right after she says that she is trying to fit what someone else wants: “be the kinda girl you like.” (Ugh.) When you try to fit what someone else wants instead of just being yourself, you are being cookie-cut, that means some of you might not make out to the final product.

Which is it, Beyonce: Take all of me, or take whatever fits the role of the kind of girl your sex partner likes?

Even with the person you really want, like your soul mate, I imagine it’s still important to give the person the whole package because the person might not know all the nooks and crannies of what he/she wants until he sees it. It’s like going shopping for the perfect dress and you find one heaven-sent that has all the things you’re looking for… and then some. You have to show the person what he wants. What he/she wants is you, and it’s likely he/she’s never met you before he met you. Got meh?

And on I go on another rant… On Soul Mate…

You, who you are to someone, must first come from you. They receive, but you have to give without their specifications. When I observed Soul Mate whom I didn’t want to like, he did not fit what I thought someone I liked should be. He said inappropriate things I thought meant he was negative, but when he said them I eventually realized it meant that he was real, he was unedited. The instance that comes to mind is when I saw my soul mate interact with another man who seemed friendly. The man told him he wanted to go into the same work my soul mate did. (My soul mate is a farmer.)

And upon leaving the man seemed to make a friendly gesture and said again hinted on his expectation to one day be a farmer. And my soul mate didn’t respond kindly. He said, something like, “Okay, even though then it’d mean you were competition.” And the man said, “Well, no. There’s something called the law of abundance, there’s enough out there for all of us.” When the man said that to my soul mate, I thought, yeah, that’s the way to think, not be so small-minded as to think we must all compete. But then I looked at my soul mate and saw the unkind (gangsta!) face of someone who was willing to be so-called “rude” or “inappropriate” rather than the expected “polite.” He was a cave man, a barbarian. He could’ve grunted and that would’ve been a good substitute for his words and I saw that and thought it was kind of sexy.

Farmer’s Market Rant…

And the truth is that the reality of Satan world is competition. It is not abundance. Abundance would be indifference to the situation, or insanity, trying to pretend this world is something it is not so that you do not have to do anything to really make it better. What you do to make it better is be yourself. What you do is go after what you want. If it’s a farm, expect that there will be competition in devil world, but don’t pretend it’s abundance when it’s not, especially not for farmers. It’s a lot of competition at the market, people selling the same things and not always selling everything by the time the market ends.

I’m talking about South of the James Market in Richmond, Va. And I think my soul mate is the best farmer I’ve ever met because he seems like a human being and seems to care enough to talk to you like one. Of course, I haven’t met many farmers, but he’s my favorite, even though he rejected me (seemingly last time I saw him).

I plan to visit the market one more time, some time soon, maybe this weekend to see what he has to say. Of course, I’m supposedly banned, but it’s without reason, so I’ll find out if I must the next time I go, if I have problems. I’m not really planning on buying anything there, but I have as much right to visit as anyone else does.

NOTE: Later the voice say on this here post on Beyonce… “She made it look like you were taking her to court for being something she was not, but really you were taking her to court for claiming to be something she could never become, which was black.” God is black and God is not in her. The devil is in her, she is a devil decoy, not a real person.

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[…] one person, Beyonce, is what I’m saying makes this person like the two-headed snake. In a recent post, I talked about her singing about wanting to be accepted wholly (in “Partition”), then […]

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