Enlustered


I Shall Not Be Moved…
August 30, 2014, 5:29 pm
Filed under: Human Potential

…by pressure from the outside. Outside rule, being ruled by the crowd–that’s what this world is all about. People thinking some outside idea made what they did wrong, no matter whether they did it innocently or with the so-called best intentions of maybe saving a life, idk. I ain’t goin there people. If no one is on my side, I don’t care. I know God is. I know God. He ma dad. He ma frien. I can’t do nothing wrong by him, unless I reject myself. He don’t like dat. An ain’t nuthin he can do bout dat, cept make me go crazy… thinkin I’m crazy in a whirl that dead set on making me think I’m crazy. So my options are: Believe in myself and “sing in the rain,” (as a song I hear says) or go “walkin in a winter wonderland.” My choices are to rain on dis parade and be myself in a whirl full a zombies, well, at least outside da hood. Oh, OR, or… be insane like everyone else and believe stuff just because someone told you all your life that it was true, even though it just didn’t really make sense. Why should some people just always be on the bottom? Why? I wondered. Then I found a video and idk, I know why now. It’s because they chose to believe in themselves and that seems they should be on top, but in devil whirl believing in yourself like rappers do means you are a piece a shit. Rejecting yourself like Christians do and the president does and stereotypically as whites do, that means you’re on top of da whirl… devil whirl. So if being myself means being on the bottom in a whirl that is hating God and thinking it’s right to enslave and imprison people in same-race, appropriate marriages and “good”-paying, drudging jobs, then so be it. I guess I gotta be on da bottom in time fa da flip. For da flip to right side up. See you on the udder syde. Yeah.

— From inside da hotel room in the part of Africa dat broke off she hears da black music a old days, da funky stuff and she realizes dat dis is gud, she thought it wunt so good at firss like devil whirl was tryna tell her dey don’t like what she said cuz she had no page views dat day and den she start to realize dat dis is such a good moment. Da moment a truf? Wasn’t it? It wuz because it wuz a moment to see once again dat she had so much force behind her dat she couldnt stop, “We can’t stop,” like Miley Cyrus said. Couldn’t believe how she stood up after that bad performance, not bad because it was crude and inappropriate but because it seemed to have no art or human presence behind it. It just seemed a moment to let loose above all else. “Bustin loose when ya do ya thing…” playin outside. For real. See, dis shit is like the master a yur mind or somethin sometimes, this “reality.” Gosh, that kinda sucks, but it makes it easy on a writer.

Any way, we can’t stop. And it don’t stop. And we still in dis bitch. And party like its 1999. And… yeah. I ain’t goin nowhere. The two-headed snake has no choice but to die by natural causes, a voice said yesterday. It also specified that the “white” snake was the one that symbolized the devil. I read about a black two-headed snake surviving a long time. It’s all symbolic. We take everything so literally here (Christianity included when it comes to the Bible) and, guess what? It’s not reality. That makes it so much clearer that those you think are crazy aren’t da crazy ones. Who’s crazy? Who? It ain’t hard ta tell.

“Satan’s world is ending when you think it is yourself who is making the world as it is.” — A voice just now. I don’t know. I don’t think so. I don’t think so at all. I do think it depends on what people believe. I think that if people believe they are bad that they will miss out on their good. And that that’s as far as it goes. The rest is a group effort, I think. But I do think I will turn the world right side up. Why? Because it seems ridiculous to me that it is the way it is. No other freedom fighter has thought that before. They take it so seriously. I still live by da rules for da most part, tryin not to spend too much and such, but the difference now is that I believe I deserve to have whatever I want. I ask God for more money and I think he’ll give it ta meh, just like he give me emancipation from work after I quit ma job. And I know he wuz tellin me ta quit ma job because I was praying for it and I felt it, him telling me not to go. So here I am, now. I feel I am better than ever because I feel valuable. I don’t suffer the same as I used to. When I feel bad I use it, I don’t lose it and have a temper tantrum. I know it’s worth something. Devil whirl AINT. NEVA. TAUGHT. ME. DAT. Neva. Nothing I know is gud devil whirl taught me. Dass how I know dis whirl ain’t got nuthin fa me. Dis how I know dat when da crowd ignore me, it dont mean nuthin. Because dey don’t know nuthin because dey ain’t NEVER! toll me nuthin good. Ain’t nobody ever tell me nuthin good. Except for da rappers. But ain’t nun a em as white seeming as me. So I’m still juss a different story. I God’s creation. I unique. If ain’t nobody lyke me, dat still don’t make dem God. I know God. God didn’t tell me ta stop. Da crowd say stop. Dass not God. I don’t have to listen. God gone protect me, so I ain’t gotta worry bout nuthin. What can go wrong when nobody look at your blog? Uh, maybe no one hears you. God hears me. Maybe you have no future to have a blog that would bring a income. God’ll bring me a income. He don’t want me to sell out. Dass not da answer. Even all the suffering I been through, I know there was always a option so I ain’t have to suffer, not really, but I was okay anyway. He will help me, he has to. The crowd has never led anyone anywhere that was right. No right, no wrong, right? Well, slavery wasn’t right. It wasn’t. People said it was, though. Segregation, today’s working for a living, schools saying black kids is dumb, mental institutions and science sayin people who are different are less than–dass wrong. People say it is though. They say nothing of it, they say nothing of it being wrong. But I know. And God know. Dass enough… for me to go another way than the crowd is going… to turn the world right side up. “Ladies first,” is a song I always hear. It’s a rap song. I don’t like those kind of sex-oriented “proper” behaviors, but I guess I can look at it dis way. Black people or people I admire are already going the direction I want to go: South. Dey bad. So I go the same way, except I do it with even more rude things to say because… that’s what I have to say. It’s what I think. I think dis devil whirl and yeah, I do have some irritation with the way things are and no one really even saying anything. I feel there are insults all around, just not put into words. I put mine into words. I show one face. Ain’t nuthin wrong with that, not in God’s world. (Or should it be “whirl” like a spider web, where we da spider and can see da web? Not a victim? Idk. I wonder if spiders will still exist. Or if lions will really lie down with lambs an such. Idk.) I guess I will see.

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