Enlustered


The Black Race & The Human Race (Hated The Same?)
August 29, 2014, 3:00 am
Filed under: Human Potential

I say some mean stuff on here when I get stuff off my chest, but I feel at times I’ve specified that white, I think, is a frame of mind that says that your natural self is too dark, bad, etc. Living here as a black person, maybe I get upset, but mainly I feel I get upset because I feel like nobody cares or I feel SO bothered by something (racism) that’s considered a non-issue, dealt with, donezo. But it’s not.

Anyway, just came to say that the hatred of black Americans (not so hardened for mixed-race Americans or Africans with the same color skin) is not about color, but about what black Americans (who are not from Africa, but somewhere else, I think New Jersey, if the voices are right) represent: Holding one’s own, not selling out, not conforming, or, my favorite word… INTEGRITY. Not being changed from the outside in or driven by a false god.

Being yourself is the thing this world hates and it will pursue you with fervor should you try to step outside the lines and be yourself…. Because, as I’ve said a hunned times: Dis devil whirl and whass in you is God. Being yourself is being God. God is a lawn gnome. He’s not better dan you. He is you. He’s with you. He’s down with you. He cool wit you. He like you…

This is getting really bad, this writing, but I felt I had to tell you that blacks are on the bottom for a symbolic reason: to show you who NOT to be or be like. Racism and separatism is not the real issue here, although it is since blacks are systematically oppressed… Perhaps symbolically things are true and literally??? I don’t know, I’ll keep exploring.

Maybe the inner reality DOES in some way create the outer, the belief that our “darker” nature is to be oppressed, rejected and mistreated and abused inside, like black people are in devil whirl creates a reality where blacks who don’t conform ARE indeed oppressed more than others. The are prolly oppressed more cuz they resist the pressure to oppress themselves and do work they don’t want… like I did, well didn’t. I been underemployed and depressed and just turned down lots of higher-paying avenues because I realized I’d have to sell out, i.e. be miserable–but that’s another story.

Still, it seems saying all white people, even those not so actively oppressing blacks–are bad simply because of the color of their skin is kind of more of the same. (Some YouTube videos I saw talking about whites being the devil and blacks being true Jews seem to say this.)

I think it’s better to saying SOME people are not on the side of the human race because their sole purpose is to oppress others — that’s something new, isn’t it? This approach to the situation is different because it does not encourage separatism, but instead encourages using your instinct and your heart. That’s how I knew people in my own family had turned against me, people who happened to be black. They are the ones who would be the enemy and you can’t tell by their skin color.

Certainly some people go along with the system unintentionally and it hurts people. In my experience those people tend to be white people. Look at my story. I am repeatedly rejected by white men (and one woman) I’m attracted to.

It seems, at least stereotypically that white people, more so play the role of false God, oppressing themselves. I do also feel that it’s whites who do the rejecting (the most active separating and segregating), living in neighborhoods blacks can’t afford to live, sending their kids to schools that are purposely all-white. They get married sooner, so they’re not available to mates of other races when life brings them in contact with them. But this is the result, I think, of inner oppression first. They are so busy rejecting themselves and thinking it’s right, they are asleep to the fact that it hurts people and causes more racism, segregation and separation. Pain.

Gosh, it seems there is a culprit. Sheesh.

Anyway, I think I can go to bed now. Feeling stressed but a bit better now. AND, because of this conclusion, I can feel more hopeful that my thing with crushes on white men is not some wolf in lion’s clothing (I’m not being a follower by liking white men, i.e. a sheep since I’m black, so I’m a lion. But I am not bad like a wolf is suggested in fairy tales, i.e. sneaky… against myself.).

It’s unpleasant to think I am a trick against myself, as my situation with white men sometimes seems IF all white people are bad as some black people, who know the Bible, say.

Still feeling upset about something. I think it’s my older sister. I was supposed to go stay with her after I leave here Sunday (Cherry Hill, NJ), but I don’t know.

I don’t like feeling obligated to do stuff. In fact, I’d rather sleep in— Wait, I was gonna say, I’d rather sleep in the car, but gosh, I’d rather really just have a nice place to live already waiting. I don’t feel good about Soul Mate. I feel like he’s bad, like a person might seem if he tells you, “Get the Hell out,” of an all-white (white-people-worshipping, black-people-hating) farmer’s market called South of the James Farmer’s Market in Richmond, VA.

Ooooooh, that was so low insulting the farmer’s market. But it felt so right. It SERIOUSLY captures how I feel about it, how I felt that day Brad told me to “Get the hell out,” and just how I feel now thinking of the place I’m now “banned” from simply for exercising my freedom of speech. That’s devil whirl for ya: It celebrates freedoms it DOES NOT respect. It’s full of you know what. Anyway, Farmville seemed like a right place to go, but I’m not so sure.

I don’t know what I’m gonna do. I have to talk to the person I call my older sister. Things do not feel right. Something perhaps is lurking under the surface. See what intuition does for you? Something that is unwelcome here: It tells you that there’s something there that maybe cannot be seen with the eye or heard with the ear, etc., something worth your attention that is being diverted elsewhere… in appearances (false appearances).

(Heavily Edited at 10:53 p.m. 8/29/2014.)

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