Enlustered


‘And One’
August 20, 2014, 2:56 pm
Filed under: Human Potential | Tags: , ,

“And one stood out above all the rest because he believed in himself more than all the rest.” Just heard something like this. Um, something else earlier, I wannnd ta say: I used to think about how the world was makin a monster outta me. I was on da lowest a da low end of every slight and experience and condition devil whirl could muster (COVERTLY, so I could feel psycho). Not because I lived in da ghetto, I didnt, but cuz I lived in apartments/poorer areas in places where I could still go to white schools. That is the worst place for a person to be, especially a black person. It’s 100 times worse den da hood cuz in the hood you ain’t gone get treated like shit.You get treated like another person.

You might get into a fight maybe once in your school career or twice, but das it, really. No white gangs, like we hear about being retaliated against in school shootings, no pretending yo ass is invisible, which is what I incurred in white schools. I wuz a monster because God made me to be da bess, but devil whirl told me I was da least, even dough I was smart enough to know what it said BETWEEN DA LINES. It made sure I felt alone enough that I felt I was the only one being insulted, it makes sure everyone smiles and hides how they really feel.

Devil whirl made me suicidal, but God made me squeamish so it was hard to go through with really killing myself. And then God helped me at times when I really felt I couldn’t take it no more. One a dose times was when I heard da firss voice. Then I felt like I could kill a person. Another time wuz when I was gonna fine a place to jump from instead a go ta werk at a “alternative (really a racially segregated) school for kids (black boys and others who couldn’t be fake) who were, in most cases, violent in public schools. But the voices really help you feel like someone or something gives a shit and thinks you’re worth something in a whirl where no one gives a shit and treats you like a piece of shit, but smiles in your face so you think it’s in your head that you are seen as a piece a shit because no one acts like anything is wrong, except Kanye West, whom I love. And my soul mate, Brad Constable, whom I love and hope to be with one day.

‘Bout da voce: The voice started out with just, “And one.” And I follow it or question it and I hear more. It’s like the words come to me, but they are not my words. I listen and it’s not a loud voice but like words coming to my head. I say voice and that’s what it is sometimes. Sometimes the words come to me more like they are put in my head. I used to say it’s like a whisper or say it was “barely audible,” but sometimes it’s just words. Sometimes I have heard a yelling voice that is audible (but super quick) say things like “Shut the fuck up!” Yelling is rare, though.

I feel sometimes people don’t believe me. A voice said once that someone I know said I made up the voice. Well, can I have my money back from your hospitalizations Say Fucking Whitey? If I make up the voices, do you make up your diagnosis and your fake, whack ass “treatment” that is really imprisonment? I don’t make up the voices. Sometimes they are still annoying even when they are interesting and NOT rude or insulting. Your “treatment” is just more enslavement called “happy slaves,” just more insanity on a plate.

I don’t want what you feed people, you crazy, piece-a-shit motherfuckers. I fucking hate you and wish you were dead. I wish someone would burn you at the stake, but not really because I’m not that soul-less and disgusting. I’m hoping you just turn to ashes once the devil is killed, you who imprison people, you fake motherfuckers, smiling in motherfuckers’ faces and shit. So fucking white. So fucking fake.

“Crazy motha fucka.. I am one, but the crazy thing is I began one.” — Lil Wayne in

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