Enlustered


‘Reversing the Journey’ and Soul Mates
February 25, 2014, 11:56 am
Filed under: Mental Illness, Race, Society, Theology | Tags: , , , ,

Maybe this (below) is what happened to me after I met Will and went “crazy.” Since I’ve met him I’ve felt a lot of pain and rejection, not understanding why we’re not together, but I’ve blossomed into the most beautiful (strong, open, naughty and nice) person. I guess I’ve been and still am “reversing my journey” inward instead of outward (as we learn to do) for truth, as this blogger describes (below). I love many of the ideas expressed in the excerpt and the whole post. 

I haven’t seen Will since I met him in January 2008, but I felt at second sight that I knew him almost as if he were family. Shortly after meeting him I started feeling sensations and hearing voices that doctors now diagnose as part of schizophrenia. For the record, I do not believe in mental illness, just the self trying to be whole. Our (old, white, oppressive) culture in the U.S. encourages us to repress “negative” feelings and “shameful” things about ourselves.

Perhaps this practice is leftover from the days of slavery when people tried to sugarcoat slavery, even promoting the idea that slaves were happy with slavery when really no one was happy with it, just as no one was happy with segregation, even though people pretended to be happy in those fake, “innocent,” television shows from that time period. [I deleted some things here I’d like to explore more, and in one instance something that was unintentionally incorrect, that sounded like I thought Native Americans were slaves.]

I believed in soul mates for years and then I felt I’d met mine in Will. Maybe for a month or longer recently I stopped believing in soul mates, but then the feeling that Will was with me came back while I was in the hospital almost a month ago after having walked outside naked and barefoot and stood in front of cars on the highway near my sister’s house where I still live.

I went outside naked because I believed I’d be evil and with Satan (and all the fake people in the U.S.) if I didn’t do it. Some ideas in the post I link to reflect my belief now that there is no darkness (or evil or “devil”) that cannot be illuminated (or undone) by each of us who has found the light within us.

I got this idea that light comes from us from the voices saying that we are the stars in the sky. I take it as symbolic, but possibly also literally true. I’m not sure yet. Also an experience I had the night I walked outside naked proved what I already believed but briefly forgot that night: that traditional “evil,” such as in “evil” people (like robbers or rapists), is just an illusion of our old, simplistic, “the other”-based culture.

For the record, I am not sure I believe in marriage or monogamy, which are traditionally very separatist. 

From the post Beautiful Family on the blog Ocean of Compassion:

“The true soul mate is someone who guides you to find the true love within. He/she can serve you, or he/she can wound you. You will be hurted, betrayed, scorned by your soul mate. But these soul wounds are not the ordinary wounds, but the wounds that reverses the journey. From hunting for love outside towards rediscovering the diamond of love within.

After rediscovering the diamond of love inside, then someone understands his/her self deeper and deeper. One meets the peak of journey within when he/she can directly experience that soul is never split. Since the beginning, soul is whole, complete, perfect. As a result, one does not only stop hunting for love outside, but the soul beginning to glow and illuminating the darkness of all, include illuminating the one who ever hurted. A friend who has come to this stage wrote: “I’ve seen your ugly parts and I stay to Illuminate your darkness”. The dark sides of his partner has been disclosed, but he continues the marriage to illuminate the darkness.

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[…] used a stamp to mail a form I filled out for Medicare to pay for my ambulance ride to the hospital (when I walked outside naked). It was a forever stamp and on it it said, […]

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