Enlustered


A Half Hour With Acupuncture
December 18, 2013, 12:55 am
Filed under: Human Potential

I decided to follow some people from the recovery center to try acupuncture for the first time today (Tues., Dec. 17). It’s offered for free at Chesterfield County Mental Health for people who receive services there. Over time acupuncture may help a person be more calm and less anxious, according to a handout I got there.

A fifty-something, roundish, blonde white woman who worked for CCMH put teenny needles, which sting just a little, in different parts of my ears (and the ears of the five other people in the room, three of whom I knew), and we sat quietly with the needles in for a half an hour. Soft music with no words played in the background. The woman said the music had no lyrics or “catchy tunes,” so as to make sure nothing outside of our minds directed our thoughts. I liked that idea, of course, since I see the value of being self-centered (i.e., sincerely self-directed), and not being ruled by concerns of what others think. (To be self-centered is to be inspired, or in the spirit, the book A Course In Miracles says.)

My thoughts wandered a lot during the half hour. I wondered about asking for flyers I could post for a farm I like getting produce from–on my mind for another reason related to this blog. I can’t remember what else I thought of, but I may have wondered about a woman I talked to earlier, who said she doesn’t use a label for the “mental illness” she’s diagnosed with. (I do use the label for my diagnosis, “schizophrenia,” and I questioned my using that word because I admire the woman. I used to be more cautious of using the word “schizophrenia,” but I started to care less about the label after a discussion with another “mentally ill” person that showed me how this reality could be a dream. That’s another story.)

During the half hour, I may also have thought about how I felt unsatisfied after debating with someone about whether people should share details of their “mental illness.” I feel the desire to spill the beans about everything all the time. That’s just part of how I am, a  part I never asked for, but a part I am faced with accepting (and seeing as part of my God-given wholeness)–or rejecting (and embracing man-made insanity).

When my thoughts weren’t wandering I focused on being in my body and I felt tingling in my upper body, and just felt really good. The stings I felt here and there from the needles, I saw them as reminders to be present. Here are some things that came up when I quieted my mind:

— “Ambivalent”

— “to work, coworker”

— “the one”

— “I love you”

When I usually hear voices or receive words, it’s 1) a barely distinct voice, or 2) I feel almost like I am starting to say something and then I wake up or become aware or 3) I am saying something in my mind, not aloud all of a sudden without thinking about saying anything.

About the things that came up: ambivalent is defined as “having mixed or contradictory ideas about something or someone” when I google it. I have mixed feeling about someone I have a crush on. I heard someone say the word “coworker” earlier that day. The woman I admire said that others saw her as crazy at work at one point and not as a “coworker.” I think to me “coworker” relates to working with people and not criticizing them or their projects, as I usually do, but instead communicating with people about whatever I think, even if it is “negative.” “The one” may relate to what I felt I was in my psychotic episodes: “Chosen” a voice kept telling me in my first and second episodes. Or it may relate to having one soul mate, which is something I tend to believe in, but sometimes doubt. “I love you“: I felt really good hearing this. I liked to think it was God telling me this, but it could be the man whom I believe is my soul mate, even though, like I said, sometimes I am unsure about soulmates.

This post was more mechanical than from the heart. Perhaps that is why I feel the need to say the following…

Peace and Love–

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