Enlustered


The New Me?

I still feel out of touch with my creativity lately. Maybe because I’m taking the straight and narrow path for my next step in life. Instead of being entreprenuerial, I’ve been looking for a way to make money by seeing what jobs are posted online. Not at all creative.

I’ve never been strong or creative when it comes to extroverted sensing (a function of Socionics personality type system), that is seeing where my talents can be utilized in the world. But I have one thing to go on: I want to be good with kids. I  get excited about working with them. They just seem to make things interesting/appealing.

Working with kids puts a person in a powerful position. In working with them people have the chance to shape the future. To me, it’s about giving something I’ve always struggled to grasp in life: the idea that I’m okay as I am. I also love how honest and down to earth (and even mean) kids can be.

Today I felt more like I understood myself and saw my place in life when I considered my interest in education and young people. Of course there’s always the worry that this conclusion is just me trying to construct myself as Somebody concrete and substantial, and is not truly representative of who I am. Perhaps the only way to know for sure is to work with kids.

It seems that just may be what I do next. Jobs working with kids are what I’ve primarily been applying for, and is what I feel most purposeful applying for. It’s also what I’ve had the greatest response for from jobs I’ve applied for.

One thing I’ve been concerned about is not liking my job, or not being able to write anymore. But writing’s been hard to come by lately. It’s like the story I was piecing together of my life before my psychotic break is no longer valid, and I have no idea where to start piecing my story together again.

Today I had an idea that, up until now, my downfall has been living too much in my head and expecting divine intervention to be at the heart of the twists and turns in my story. But it’s obvious now (and should have been before) that hard work and personal realizations are behind such turns. Perhaps I should expect more of the same (living in my head), since, as I said, I’m taking the non-creative/more passive approach to changing my life by searching for jobs online.

One change I have been focusing on, however, is to be more positive. Some of my previous posts show I haven’t done well with that. I plan to change. Just have to find the balance between my creative side and my practical, more conforming side (the side that’s looking for a job, for example).

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2 Comments so far
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Good for you. Don’t get discouraged if you don’t find the perfect job right away either. Maybe volunteer in your field so you can make connections that might lead to a paying position. I recently started volunteering and I have made some great connections and have a bunch of new possibilities blooming right now. Good luck 🙂

Comment by TreeHugginVamp

Thanks.

Comment by Enlustered




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