Enlustered


Fewer Posts Lately
April 24, 2012, 10:54 am
Filed under: Writing | Tags: , ,

I’ve been writing less here lately, trying to write my book. In the nine months since I quit my job, I’ve been mostly afraid to go to the computer and type my book. Mostly I’ve been writing notes, figuring things out. But it doesn’t feel right to do that anymore.

I still have a lot of negative feelings about running out of money. There’s something I’ve applied for I’ll talk more about later that may help. I used to just go to my notepad and write things out to feel better when I felt bad, but like I said, I often feel like my time writing notes (for my book) has passed, or is overdone.

Today I still wrote chunks of narrative content for my book in my notebook. It just feels less intimidating than my computer right now (just for narrative writing). I’m used to the notepad. I hope the more I write my book at the computer, the more comfortable it feels. Once writing notes for my book in my notepad felt undesirable, then I started to love what I found when I wrote in it, and I loved how it made me feel. It made me feel less confused, and more like who I was and what I’d done in my life made sense–and mattered.

I even started to feel like everyone should write their stories, first figuring things out, like I did. I think it’d be less necessary for me, or anyone, to spend time figuring things out if we lived in a world where society treated people like who they are, and their feelings mattered. But we don’t–not yet.

Also, the kind of writing I’m doing, narrative/story telling, rather than essays, is new to me. I need time to get used to this new style of writing. I do feel like telling my story creatively, however, is something I must do, even though it is very difficult right now. As I feel good about my content, I’ll post it here. I’m considering just publishing pieces of my book, now, rather than the whole thing. Otherwise some posts would be really long, like 3,000 words or more.

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