Enlustered


How Humans Win

I’m not a theologist, I don’t even know much about religion, but…

I often wonder if God entails both God and “the Devil,” since I guess the Bible says God is the alpha and the omega. I also wonder this because I find a lot of truth and beauty in the concept of yin yang, which says opposites (like good and bad, pleasure and pain) define and support each other.

If God is responsible for, or is both God and “the Devil,” then both could be good. Consider how Satan, as the angel Lucifer, first abandons God. His fear is that he is less than God. I like to take that symbolically to mean that God represents confidence and the Devil represents the fear of not being good enough. How can the fear of not being good enough help people? Or, theologically, how can Eve’s eating the apple (believing she needed the apple to be good enough) have helped mankind?

I believe the fear of not being good enough can help people see the value of what they have. Without ever questioning themelves, people might never learn they have enough. I believe both entities (God and “the Devil”) are necessary and support each other (like the yin and the yang). I also believe both are probably present in nature and within us. I doubt they are separate (because if God exists, God created everything). But I think both entities are meant to be one within us. God wins when we learn to endure our self questioning, and believe we are good enough, whatever our condition may be. (So God wins when we refuse to take the apple, as Eve did. The apple could be anything that makes us abandon ourselves to be good enough, like hiding what we really think to gain social acceptance.)

I take a lot of comfort in saying, it’s okay if people see me as crazy. It’s okay if I’m ugly because my hair is uncombed, and I have zits on my face. I even take comfort in acknowledging embarrassing things about myself, such as me smelling my farts and undies (as I often do). I like to think I desire to do it because I’m in a state of wonder about being in human form for the short time I’m here. On the other hand, I torture myself often about being weird and abandoned by others. Writing something I think is good helps because if I think I’m right, I don’t mind being abandoned as much. I think all of us doing what we truly love helps us (and the world).

I’ve been writing all day, and am ashamed to say, I’ve written two other posts which I couldn’t post because I felt bad about them. I was trying to be “mean” and not give a crap in one and in another I’m “waxing philosophical” about people’s reluctance to accept their natural selves. I think I’d do better with both approaches in a “book,” where I’d tell personal stories I’ve been “saving.” (I’ll start posting my book here someday.) And not just blab, blab, blab, without telling stories, like I do here. And here I am again questioning myself…

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