Enlustered


Black Like the Night
December 1, 2011, 11:45 pm
Filed under: Human Potential, Race | Tags: , , , ,

What am I doing blogging? I guess most people already know about a book called The Bell Curve which discusses race and IQ, and research findings suggesting that black people are less smart than white, Asian and Hispanic people. It also suggests that this is why black people are poor. I just learned about this Tuesday. And I’ve been carrying this idea around with me.

I went out yesterday and wondered whether, because I was wearing the washed-out black yoga pants I always wear and my nappy ‘fro, I looked dumb to others.

I checked out a Martin’s store on the whiter side of town and I felt very self-conscious, partly because I didn’t have money to buy a lot, and because I feel being broke, like I am, is expected, since I’m black. (I’ve felt this long before I read about The Bell Curve). I also expected to stand out in the store since not many blacks live in that part of town.

I saw two black women shopping and suspected they might be ashamed of me for looking so broke, and for my fuzzy hair. I don’t think I’ve ever felt a desire to distance myself from another black person because he looked broke, but I still understand and respect the feeling.

The whole time I was at the store yesterday I felt uncomfortable thinking about my financial situation and what I’d read about The Bell Curve. To make myself feel better I tried to embrace feeling insecure. It made me smile. I had a place inside where what I saw and felt were real, and significant.

I was still happy to leave the store and be out in the world with the trees and the glowing, orangey evening sun. Outside in nature, I am just a human being. Sigh.

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Another blogger commented on this post. Sorry I deleted your comment. It was marked as spam, but then I followed the link to your blog and saw you were not a spammer.

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