Filed under: Human Potential
Perhaps instead of saying “god” and the “devil” it’s more accurate to say that there are two sides to mankind. One represents his stronger side and one represents his weaker side. The voice just mentioned something to me earlier about this and I wanted to post it because sometimes it does seem that the weaker side can take over. I think this world is testimony to that. The strong nature is independent in its actions. The weak nature is dependent on outside assurance and support. I feel I desire attention and interaction, but I am independent enough that if that attention is unfriendly or turns vicious in nature I can strike out on my own.
My interest in this topic also relates to me wanting to just simplify things I have said in the past about god being inside and the devil being outside. I feel that some voices I hear represent the weaker nature of man, like just a minute ago I heard a voice saying something like, “They need you to show them what to do.” I don’t feel that should be my focus or interest. I just have to worry about myself (focus “inward”) and do what I want to do and others will hopefully do the same (whatever that entails for each person). And that should be enough to set things right. Too much dependence on one person leaves everyone weak/insecure, unused, and just lamer and stupider-seeming.
Another influence of the weaker side: Sometimes I feel embarrassed (ya know embarrassed to scratch somewhere like my butt or pick a wedgie in public) and that’s a reflection of dependence on opinions and set ideas of how something can be seen without really looking at the inner processes. A human is just seen as defined by the outside opinion of the act as being gross and is almost no longer a human with a name, a personality, aura, etc.
I think the unpleasant feelings we have, like shame or worry (which involve seeing oneself as worthy of punishment or rejection), just revolve around the weaker nature and just the influence from the outside. A false influence because someone else’s opinion shouldn’t be more valuable than yours in your own life and because, yeah, you just can’t say someone else is right and you are wrong or some law of the world is right. That just takes the individual to figure out on his own and the individual just living on his own.
Anger, as opposed to shame and worry, revolves more around feeling worthy of the best, I feel in my opinion. A lot of times when someone feels he has no right to be angry it means he feels he deserves the punishment he gets. My recent comments on racism in school are new because previously I questioned whether blacks, including myself, really were dumb. Now that I know I’m not dumb I feel I have a right to be angry and see the situation as injustice, so I don’t suppress my feelings the way I used to over the situation that’s always made me angry, especially because I felt it was so taboo since it involved race and the idea that blacks were dumb. It took writing and figuring things out to give me confidence because with it I see things clearer and because I feel I am good at it, which makes it enjoyable. The kind of writing I do, I feel has been discouraged in devil whirl, at least as a form of income, and also because it is so informal at times, taboo and inappropriate (because I’ve always been so, so angry at white people and the world).
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