Filed under: Human Potential
Wow, I’m having A LOT of trouble with the wordpress site today, them revising my writing actually, so the latest draft of what I wrote in the previous post was lost when I tried to update the last post, but the “connection failed” like it keeps doing A LOT, ON ONLY THIS WEB SITE today, that I’ve never had happen when I used this site in the past. Then once the page reloaded, I thought I’d restore the latest version of what I wrote by updating to the autosave version, which it said was the latest version, but it was not like what I wrote. It was missing a part I typed before I tried to update, but the connection failed (it said and it said I had to “reload” the page) and that latest version of the post was not completely reflected in the autosave version available when I was able to get back to the page. *I fixed it, by the way now.*
I’ve NEVER had this much trouble using WordPress and I think it’s because they are a devil-worshiping company that does not want me to write what I’m writing. I’m trying to fix up a new site, but just am lazy about doing it, but eventually I’ll get it up and hopefully can find a different service than wordpress to use along with it.
“One slipped out of the coockoo’s nest is what they’re thinking,” a voice just said. Well, I don’t care. I think you’re crazy like the emperor in his new robe for going along with a reality that says you’re worth something for your new (invisible unbeknownst to ya dumb ass) robe: being white, being married to a white, having a white kid that goes to white schools, for having more money than blacks, for living in a neighborhood where only two blacks live, for having a job title that not a lot of people have and that no blacks have. I think you’re a crazy bitch and I hope you get your head busted open so you can see there’s nothing in it but the devil. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. You’re a empty follower, brainless, devil-worshiping bitch. The poor people and black people are really your robe. Without them you know you’d be nothing, you’d have nothing to be better than. You’d have nothing to show for who you are, other than the worthless piece a shit you think you are because you believed the devil.
Filed under: Human Potential
People who read this blog or things I’ve written on Facebook or Twitter know I hear voices and get most of my info from them. I talk to people, watch videos on YouTube, read stuff on Wikipedia (all supposedly “unreliable” sources of information). I piece things together based on what makes sense to me, how I feel, what I’ve experienced in life and what I’ve observed in others. This is basically a compilation of all these things along with my art, really, my creativity piecing together symbols or meanings of things, saying what I intuitively feel. Basically all the info I’m sharing is an anti-world compilation or gathering of info. All my sources (voices, etc.) are considered shit in this world, along with art. Art is basically considered shit in this world where the most popular option for artists is to be starving, “starving artists” have a hard time surviving and making time for their work here, while trying to survive. Writing makes things so much better for me. In fact, I think it gives me the grounding and clarity I need to be the sanest, most self-loving and confident person I can be. It’s my function to do these things, to follow my curiosity and express myself, but it’s something I never would find a place for in this world to make a living. I could try to write a book or make a successful blog or write for magazines: All things that are very difficult to make a living doing, especially as “inappropriate” as I am, and all things that would take working another job at the same time, possibly two jobs for someone like me who isn’t really “qualified” for high-paying jobs in devil whirl.
What’s my point? I don’t know. I just feel people thinking, Who are you to tell me what God said? Well who are you to tell me what God said? All my life I thought God didn’t give a shit about me because I was black and cared about REAL integration/”togetherness”, two things that didn’t mean JACK SHIT to ANYONE in the world I knew, even though I knew A LOT a Christians. FUCK YOU. I’ll tell you all about you and your self-hating ways and the self-hating world I’ve seen you bow down to EVERY FUCKING DAY, you sell-out bitches. Kiss my fucking ass. I’ll say whatever the hell I want. I’ve taken shit from this world all my life and finally something gave a damn IN THE FORM OF A VOICE. I finally started thinking at one point after I started hearing the voices that God cared about the same things I did and the struggles I faced feeling like a piece a shit as a black person. So FUCK YOU. You told me about God all my life and you know what you told me, white people? You told me God hated me. Well, he doesn’t. But he hates you for turning your back on him and yourself and black people. And now you have a chance to know what you did and know why this world worships you. Because it’s devil whirl and you sold out your God-given self to bow down to this world and the devil who told you your God-given self wunt worth shit. Black people didn’t believe it and this world hated them for it. The devil hated them for it. And you stood by and watched and didn’t do a damn thing, as I’ve watched white people do close-up as I’ve experienced racism time and time again, one time most recently in a hotel which I’ve written about, but not here. Anyway, time to give up watching racism happen and do nothing. Time to take responsibility for only being worth something in this world for being white, which the world says is better than being black and you believed it. Well, you’ve been had. Time to throw in the towel on the farce you been living all your life and the world’s been keeping up since the beginning a time. It’s over when you face the truth for the first time. I imagine it can be sooner or later. I imagine it’s difficult either way, but I don’t really give a fuck. Why? Because it hurt like hell that everyone stood by and watched racist shit like it was right and wunt nothing wrong with it, why? just because it made them feel good about themselves because they believed the devil that they were worthless, except for the color of their skin? Well, I’m glad the truth has finally come to the fore, cuz all you been tellin me all my life was lies. And finally God was returned to his rightful owner, him who stood by him. Him who stood by him was AND IS black people, who didn’t sell out, who stood by themselves, no matter what the cost in the public’s opinion of them. No matter the cost in the DEVIL’s opinion of them. They are thought to be the lowest of the low here, but they are the holiest of the holy because they are the truth, the closest thing here to it because they do what they do and say what they say, not what they’re “supposed” to do and say.
The voice says that heaven was our animal nature before the devil introduced the idea of us being good and bad. I assume we lived like animals among the animals before the beginning of time, the beginning of devil whirl. It made it sound like people had the choice to change from animals to come here to help those who were lost. I’m assuming it means black people who had been tested yet still believed in themselves had a choice to come here to save white people who believed they were bad for eating the apple or “disobeying God,” as THE DEVIL said they did. I don’t think God said they had disobeyed him, only the devil made them believe it. It made it sound like people could come from the ocean to be here at one point, then just saying that I saw people here eating off plates and decided to come. I’m still making sense of things, but I felt the need to share. I’m wondering too how blacks could choose to come and I’m assuming it’s because they did not believe the devil when the devil said they had committed a damning offense by eating the apple, whatever the apple was, so since they didn’t believe the devil (like whites did), they were not trapped here. “It’s going to be a long time before they believe what you’re saying because they want you to say they came to save you. But they came to save themselves from the hell they created. They were chosen for this because they left their eyes on the prize. The prize was damnation in heaven for eternal life in hell, the new world order of God’s world.”
Anyway, it’s interesting that whatever the case is, the solution I believe is the end of the world, either way: People really being themselves. I don’t think that’s happened here among white since the beginning of time. People wanna act like what I’m saying is so bad because they wanna pretend it’s not true that they are fake and living a fake life, but that’s the only reason racism exists. God doesn’t put it in people to do the things they’re doing that reinforce racist ideas and a HIGHLY RACIST reality. The devil does. He puts fear in people of losing their image or public’s high opinion of them. He rules people from the outside and it shows LOUD AND CLEAR, even though whites hide the truth like it’s their life that’s at stake, as if it’s their breath and pulse that’s wrapped up in the lies they tell everyday living a fake life with their fake wife and their fake job that God never put in them to desire in the least. Their life is the truth, but they deny it. They are walking dead.
Filed under: Human Potential
“Ignorant of their history they have no knowledge of the fall that made it so hard for them to stand..,” the voice said. I’ll finish: that made it so hard for them to stand that they felt the need to bring everybody else down.
This is white world. It brings everybody down. Everybody who is different is less than here. Blacks, so-called “mentally ill,” gays. This is devil whirl. Also, wanted to just mention I just was on the site I told you guys about yesterday where that white woman called me a “house nigger,” and it’s more white people insulting blacks. Why? What is wrong with you? Why are you so mad that blacks are said to be the real Jews? So what, if you disagree, why so angry that people have pride after ALL YOUR EFFORTS TO CONVINCE THEM THAT THEY ARE PIECES OF SHIT? The devil’s magic does not work on them the way it worked on you. Give up your efforts and go back to your self-hating religion of Christianity or whatever hate-yourself methods you choose and leave black people alone. Until the end of the world comes and they kick yo asses.
More: “The knowledge of the fall would give them the help they need to decide what side to choose,” the voice say.
EDIT: Leave black people alone until you are ready to love them like the brothers they are to you that you have never chosen to be to them.
Filed under: Human Potential
Perhaps instead of saying “god” and the “devil” it’s more accurate to say that there are two sides to mankind. One represents his stronger side and one represents his weaker side. The voice just mentioned something to me earlier about this and I wanted to post it because sometimes it does seem that the weaker side can take over. I think this world is testimony to that. The strong nature is independent in its actions. The weak nature is dependent on outside assurance and support. I feel I desire attention and interaction, but I am independent enough that if that attention is unfriendly or turns vicious in nature I can strike out on my own.
My interest in this topic also relates to me wanting to just simplify things I have said in the past about god being inside and the devil being outside. I feel that some voices I hear represent the weaker nature of man, like just a minute ago I heard a voice saying something like, “They need you to show them what to do.” I don’t feel that should be my focus or interest. I just have to worry about myself (focus “inward”) and do what I want to do and others will hopefully do the same (whatever that entails for each person). And that should be enough to set things right. Too much dependence on one person leaves everyone weak/insecure, unused, and just lamer and stupider-seeming.
Another influence of the weaker side: Sometimes I feel embarrassed (ya know embarrassed to scratch somewhere like my butt or pick a wedgie in public) and that’s a reflection of dependence on opinions and set ideas of how something can be seen without really looking at the inner processes. A human is just seen as defined by the outside opinion of the act as being gross and is almost no longer a human with a name, a personality, aura, etc.
I think the unpleasant feelings we have, like shame or worry (which involve seeing oneself as worthy of punishment or rejection), just revolve around the weaker nature and just the influence from the outside. A false influence because someone else’s opinion shouldn’t be more valuable than yours in your own life and because, yeah, you just can’t say someone else is right and you are wrong or some law of the world is right. That just takes the individual to figure out on his own and the individual just living on his own.
Anger, as opposed to shame and worry, revolves more around feeling worthy of the best, I feel in my opinion. A lot of times when someone feels he has no right to be angry it means he feels he deserves the punishment he gets. My recent comments on racism in school are new because previously I questioned whether blacks, including myself, really were dumb. Now that I know I’m not dumb I feel I have a right to be angry and see the situation as injustice, so I don’t suppress my feelings the way I used to over the situation that’s always made me angry, especially because I felt it was so taboo since it involved race and the idea that blacks were dumb. It took writing and figuring things out to give me confidence because with it I see things clearer and because I feel I am good at it, which makes it enjoyable. The kind of writing I do, I feel has been discouraged in devil whirl, at least as a form of income, and also because it is so informal at times, taboo and inappropriate (because I’ve always been so, so angry at white people and the world).
Filed under: Human Potential
A voice said earlier something along the lines of (I wrote it after I heard it in full, so it’s not an “exact” quote, but very close): “A heart-to-heart with your kids about racism in devil whirl schools would really help, wouldn’t it, Marla? Yeah, but who does that when there’s no way to fix the problem other than to be who you really are?”
Filed under: Human Potential
I really feel like I could punch some people in the face for being so fake and racist and taunting how white and married and having four kids they are. Sorry, but it’s annoying as fuck. So that makes ya dumb ass wurff somethin. So fucking stupid. I could just punch your dumb ass in the fucking face. That’s how I fucking feel ya dumb bitch. Fuck you and your kids. You already fucked them up the ass for sending them to schools that said they’re wurff somethin cause they’re white and they’re better den black kids and fur that they should hate yo ass, too. You fuckin deserve it ya dumb bitch, enslavin your own kids into being worth something that has (almost) nothing to do with who they really are inside, almost nothing because how they respond to being told they’re only worth something cuz they’re better than lowly black kids is a part of who they are, it’s a part of God, so that experience can help them see who they are, but they will get no guidance from you because you are totally fake about it. You are a tamed bitch. A racist who deserves to get her or his ass kicked.
Yeah, and you’re such a victim and so right now because I’m so wrong, so rude for saying EXACTLY how I feel. And you’re valuable for fucking yourself over and not giving a rats ass about how you feel cuz it’s too inappropriate. Betta hide dat shit so you can be wurff something. Yup, that’s exactly the kinda logic that made yo dumb ass ancestors lynch black folk. They’re language was vulgar then and their behavior, but guess what, they were JUST LIKE YOU. You know why? Because THEY WERE APPROPRIATE AS HELL THEN TOO, JUST AS YOU ARE NOW YOU DUMB BITCH WHITE RACIST. Appropriate FOR HATING THEMSELVES AS MUCH AS THEY HATED BLACKS, JUST LIKE YOU. FUCK YOU.
Filed under: Human Potential
Yeah, so I update a lot. It’s how I work. So what? It’s fun to keep fixing a post. I don’t know why. I don’t like to wait to publish stuff. Sometimes I feel like, hey, I’m not supposed to do this, but devil whirl is the one that’s so strict. In real life, it doesn’t matter. The only thing to avoid is doing stuff mechanically by rules you don’t really want to follow. I started a big long post yesterday that came as I just kept thinking of stuff to write, but it just got so big and I felt I still had so much more to say or to organize. That post will prolly never get published, but if I publish something right after I write it, it just gets done and it’s out there and I might fix it a lot until I move on to something else, but it gets published. Stuff I wait to publish doesn’t get posted. It stays in the draft section.